Jeremy:
|
I read your blog about Jason
Collins coming out of the closet.
|
Me:
|
Thanks. Did you like it?
|
Jeremy:
|
It was OK. Wasn’t Jason Collins also the name of the
guy who beat you up in the 7th grade?
|
Me:
|
No, that was Jerome
Collins
|
Jeremy:
|
Why don’t you blog about him?
|
Me:
|
Because of the off-chance that
he is not in jail right now and has suddenly learned how to read, I am afraid
he may wish to do it again.
|
Jeremy:
|
I really love that story.
|
Me:
|
Thank you. Which part of your father's pummeling entertained you
the most?
|
Jeremy:
|
I guess all of it.
|
Me:
|
I think I’m going to take a
pass on Jerome Collins. In fact, I was
thinking about taking a week off from the blog.
|
Jeremy:
|
The blog is too new for you to
take a week off. You need to maintain
your momentum.
|
Me:
|
Why are you such an annoying
person?
|
Jeremy:
|
Genes.
|
Me:
|
Your mother?
|
Jeremy:
|
No.
|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My friends were a mix of my fellow SP class mates plus kids
from my afternoon Hebrew School class.
At this point you are probably thinking “WOW, kids from the SP program
AND Hebrew School.. What a cool group
that must have been!” Well, we certainly
thought so. We harassed our substitute
teachers as well as those girls who had not fully developed by the age of
14. We played poker a couple of days a
week after school and we wore denim jackets, which were called dungaree
jackets. They were “bright blue new” and
definitely not faded. They allowed
minimal arm movement and made a rustling noise if you tried too hard.

And speaking of mothers, none of us were adept at sewing, so
the task at hand lay in convincing them of the benefits of “snake camaraderie”
and then having them sew the patches on the back of our jackets. Doing our homework, taking out the garbage,
and running errands -- we had the weekend to apply the charm and work our
magic. On Monday, we would show up in
our Snake Dungaree Jackets and win the admiration of our friends and
schoolmates.

“Wait a minute,” I said turning around, my back facing them. “I’m not a snake. See,” I pointed, “no patch.” When I turned back around, the tough kids
were already walking away as we looked at each other in despair. And thanks to my lame protest, I also
happened to snag a few looks of disdain as well. During the course of the school day, The
Snakes got desperate. Jeff and Stewy
were thankful for the poor sewing job they did and started pulling out the
threads of their snake patches with scissors from the art class. Lee and Carl threw their jackets in the
garbage can in the bathroom. Todd faked
an asthma attack and had the school nurse call his mother to pick him up
early.

Another day in the life for Jerome Collins. As for me, snake patch or not, I never wore a dungaree jacket again.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
|
Do you like the draft?
|
Jeremy:
|
You seemed to cry a lot more
when you told me the story.
|
Me:
|
I’m allowing myself literary
license.
|
Jeremy:
|
What does that mean?
|
Me:
|
It means that each embarrassing
detail need not be embellished.
|
Jeremy:
|
I guess that’s why you failed
to mention pissing yourself as well.
|
Me:
|
I guess. Why do you continue to be such an annoying
person?
|
Jeremy:
|
At least I’m not a snake.
|
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